Audio (TCP7, Day 09): Mettā Bhāvanā Review

A talk reviewing the canonical steps of loving-kindness meditation (mettā bhāvanā) — auxiliary object, oneself, a dear one, a neutral being, and a difficult being — with the story of the monks and the haunted forest from the Karaṇīya Mettā Sutta, followed by a full guided loving-kindness meditation.

Sakya tradition · IBA Kathmandu · The Complete Path (TCP) 2026 · English · Talk + guided sit

For the full Sanskrit/Pali/Tibetan glossary and nine-stages reference table, see the Glossary and Summary for Morning Meditations.

Transcript

So, good morning, dear friends, welcome once again to our morning meditation sessions here at IBA, Tinchuli, Kathmandu, part of The Complete Path 2026. This morning, given the content of recent teachings from His Holiness mentioning the four illimitable, or four immeasurable, minds, apramāṇas, it seems sensible to return to our cultivation of mettā, of loving-kindness, the first of these divine abodes. So, this session, I think, we can review the basic steps. Perhaps someone can also remind me if our sit in the last session was guided or silent — I believe it was guided.

Is that correct?

It was in silence, the last one, okay. So, we have been alternating, which would mean this sit again is guided. But I’m open to suggestions if we would prefer to attempt to self-guide through the mettā bhāvanā steps — I can offer the instructions again, a repeat of the instructions, or we can have a guided sit where I walk us through all of the steps again. Does anyone have a preference? Are we feeling ready to guide ourselves? No particular preference.

Well, maybe, in the interests of really becoming familiar with the steps, we can make this a guided session again for mettā bhāvanā, and I think in our schedule we have time for one more mettā session, and perhaps that one we can self-guide. So, perhaps taking a moment just to review some of the main features of mettā bhāvanā — you might recall that I shared already how this is a special śamatha object; it is connected with wisdom from the start.

It is an object that can help us to appease, to calm the mind. I mentioned how the Buddha has offered this practice as both a safeguard and an antidote to the shock, if you like, of the insight of non-self, insight of impermanence, and the insight of the suffering nature of saṃsāra.

He has also offered this practice as a preliminary, recognizing that a mind that is in an attitude of friendliness is one that is more docile, more pliant, more ready to settle with the object, to remain in calm and stillness. And I don’t think I have mentioned yet —

— it may be a familiar story to some, but the example in the suttas, in the Pali suttas which record the teachings of the Buddha, the transmission of the mettā sutta, was the Karaṇīya Mettā Sutta, and the practice of mettā bhāvanā, loving-kindness, being offered to a group of monks who were embarking on their rains retreat. And they had already received their śamatha instructions. They had found a forest somewhere, no doubt in the foothills of the Himalayas, and they went off to begin their vassa, their rains retreat. But, to their dismay, to their horror, it turned out the forest where they went was haunted, full of ghosts.

They heard strange sounds in the night, they saw strange visions, heads without bodies and bodies without heads, it is said, and — unable to calm their mind, so fearful was the experience — they went back to the Buddha. No doubt

it was some days’ walk, so it must have been pretty terrifying. They went back to the Buddha to complain that the forest where they were was unsuitable for the rains retreat. And the Buddha, in his compassion, and perhaps recognizing that even if he could find a lay follower to offer a different patch of forest for the rains retreat, or find a different grove somewhere, the chances are that it would not solve the root of the problem, and so, perhaps aware of this, he offered the Mettā Sutta as a way to overcome this obstacle.

And this is a sutta that is chanted often; it contains basic instructions in both śīla, in cultivation of the precepts, in mindfulness in daily life, and in the cultivation of this heart-mind of love and kindness. And so the monks went back to the forest, and they practiced this mettā bhāvanā, reciting such beautiful lines as “Even as a mother would protect her only child at her own life’s risk,

so one should cultivate this boundless heart, spreading it above, below, across, unobstructed, without hatred or enmity.” And, by and by, an amazing transformation took place: rather than being an obstruction, the spirits in that forest became the allies of those monks, protecting them from harm. And I think we can imagine this kind of transformation, and the effect that it would have for a group of, perhaps,

young monks going off into a forest, into the jungle, with many different creatures, sights, sounds, strange, unsettling — every snap of a twig, maybe wondering if this was going to be a tiger; every time they arranged the grass at the foot of a tree in which to sit, wondering if there was going to be a poisonous snake that would appear. And maybe we have had the same experience of walking down a street

in our neighborhood, even, that we are familiar with during the day, and then later on walking down that same street at night, or after we have watched a scary movie, for example, and suddenly that very same landscape that we know well becomes full of threat and danger. The mind is watchful, hypervigilant, looking out for some mishap, some threat. So the same landscape, depending on our attitude, depending on our frame of mind, can be completely transformed, either into a fearful one or a peaceful one.

And this, perhaps, is exactly what these monks experienced: that once they had cultivated this heart-mind of friendliness, of kinship, feeling connection and kindness towards even the snakes and the spiders in the forest, the location seemed to change — suddenly it was a conducive place for śamatha, for calm abiding. We have mentioned also already how loving-kindness, while it is the first of the brahmavihāras, the first step in the cultivation of the four, in some important way contains the others already, as we recognize in another the same vulnerability that we have in our own heart and mind; we recognize the possibility for another to suffer, and to resonate with that suffering.

So there is compassion there, also, in kindness. There is already also the seed of rejoicing in the virtue of another.

So muditā is there, and, perhaps most especially, there is equanimity, impartiality, because already in the cultivation of mettā we don’t limit that embrace of kindness just to certain beings, the ones that we are fond of, that we care about deeply — we explore the possibility to extend that feeling even to neutral or difficult beings.

So, while there is an interdependence between the four immeasurable minds, the steps, nonetheless, in the early teachings of the Buddha, in the southern school, are very clear, step by step. We proceed, training the mind, making that initial effort, like the potter with the wheel, so that eventually the flow of kindness becomes natural, takes on its own momentum, becomes instinctive.

But if we don’t connect that cultivation with the feeling in the beginning, then it may stay quite abstract, just an idea, or a concept, or a recitation, and we might have had that experience in our sādhana practice. When we reach the stage of the four immeasurables, we read the words, or perhaps even remember the words, but until we connect them with the feeling, that part of the practice doesn’t really come to life. So here we break it down into basic steps, and we will remember those steps.

Perhaps we can come back in another session to the visualizations and instructions for the other brahmavihāras, for karuṇā, compassion, muditā, altruistic joy, and upekṣā, equanimity — we can return to those later. But for now, just a review of the steps. Who can remember the first object that I shared?

Anyone recall the supporting object — like a kitten, a duckling, a rabbit? This is not a canonical teaching; perhaps there were teachers in the time of the Buddha who used this trick, but it is something that, particularly, I believe Ajahn Brahm often shares about, and I have found it useful. This being is one that we give rise to a feeling of kindness towards automatically, instinctively — the heart-mind of kindness arises because, why? Very good — it needs us. It’s vulnerable; without protection, it will come to harm.

Yeah, it’s not able to take care of itself. We are alive here today because that instinct was triggered in other human beings, when we were an infant, in our mother and father, in our grandparents, in our aunts and uncles, even in strangers in the street who stopped to chat with our parents, perhaps to admire a newborn baby, and to feel in the heart a warmth and a tenderness that recognize that this baby needed care, was vulnerable.

So, in the same way, we find an object, any object. We can experiment with different mental images, finding the one that works for us, and, having lit that flame, even if it’s a small flame of kindness, in the heart, finding some warmth, maybe, or a feeling of space or light there.

However it appears to us, even if we can’t really name that feeling, this is our anchor point for the rest of the cultivation. And then, canonically, we move to this being the self. Whilst in the northern schools it’s often true that we find mettā bhāvanā kind of bundled together with karuṇā bhāvanā, with the cultivation of compassion — loving-kindness, compassion, I believe, in the Chinese tradition

also, they’re more often together — same, the same term, if you like, one term — specifically because, as we find in the practice of Tonglen, for example, of giving and taking, the wisdom connection here is the wisdom of non-self. So the self is not the object. But here we recognize, in this step-by-step approach, that the first being to benefit from loving-kindness is this one.

Because it is in this heart and mind that we are making less and less space for anger, for fear, for anxiety — for empathy we are growing the space that is occupied by loving-kindness and care. This is the epicenter, if you like, of what can radiate outwards. It has to start in our own heart and mind, and from there we begin with the canonical three, which we should all remember by now: the auxiliary — being the kitten, the duckling, I don’t know why, for me ducklings are very effective, so cute — so who can remember the next object? After the auxiliary and the self, then, is the dear one. Yeah, the being that is close.

So, still, we are training step by step. We don’t start with the most difficult; we start with a member, perhaps, of our own family, but not the most dear. Remember why?

Because the near enemy of loving-kindness is attachment. So, perhaps, the closest relationship that we have is one in which it’s difficult to keep untangled a love that is asking nothing in return, and the one that is needy, clinging, grasping, holding.

Yeah, it’s always tempting to quote Sting at this point — “if you love somebody, let them free, set them free.” And then, slowly, slowly, training capacity — the neutral being, the sign of the practice here is the breaking of the barrier, the fence, that is usually placed between family, my tribe, my team, and stranger, not normally one who I would trust, or feel this kind of love and kindness towards. Having established that, we can then move on to the most challenging object, the difficult being, an enemy.

Yeah, so some find that it is tricky to find this being — if our practice in the Mahayana is strong, we have been contemplating loving-kindness a lot.

We have been really working to have compassion for beings, so finding that difficult being can be tricky. But I think, if we are honest with ourselves, there is going to be someone we can think of who we perceive causes harm in the world — maybe it’s a public figure. Yeah, maybe it’s not someone in our daily life, but someone who, through the stories that we hear about them,

maybe our knowledge of history, we feel, is one who causes great suffering. But, again, because we’re just practicing at this point, not choosing the most difficult being that we can think of, because it’s important that this flow of kindness not get muddled up with aversion, the far enemy of compassion, of loving-kindness, rather — so, slowly working towards

that goal of there being no barrier, even between us and a difficult being, by choosing someone who’s moderately difficult — maybe someone who, through unskillfulness of speech, causes us frustration, who said something unkind to us, caused us suffering, or caused suffering to someone dear to us. And we can remember one of the tricks that is suggested is visualizing this being, as with the neutral and even the dear one, as a child. So, not imagining them in the role in which they cause that suffering, but seeing them in that time when they were also vulnerable. And if it’s really a struggle, there is one other trick that I can offer, and this, again —

this is not a canonical instruction, but if it helps — why not ask them to hold the duckling, or the kitten, or the puppy, or the rabbit? That image of a child who is also cherishing a vulnerable being — how much more do we wish for this

pair of beings to be safe from harm. So, something you can try, if it’s staying abstract and conceptual: when we have the difficult being, give them a bunny rabbit to hold, and see if that helps. Why not? And if it feels like this kind of practice is just a dream, just in our imagination, we can remember to always connect those visualizations, that imagined image, with the feeling in the body, because, for all

of our big brain and many thoughts and intellectual knowledge, the way that we make meaning in the world lies in feeling — feeling guides our choices, the things that we say and do. And if we can connect with a feeling of kindness, even if it’s just a spark, a seed, a glimpse,

this is the flame that we need to nurture in the heart. And, for this reason, you can always come back to the supporting object, and even just to the breath, and find again that sensitivity inside the body, connecting with the feeling of mettā, of kindness, of kinship, allowing it to spread in this body, giving ourselves that first gift of kindness and care in the relaxation that we feel here and now.

Gradually making less and less room in the heart and mind for anger, for hatred, for enmity, for fear, for anxiety, allowing the mind and body to be fulfilled, rather, with the feeling of kindness and care. So, let us find a comfortable sitting position — perhaps this is the moment when we give rise to an act of self-kindness and find a chair to sit in if our legs are complaining. Maybe even just an extra cushion here or there, if our knees are floating very high, we can place an extra pad underneath one, or other, or both.

We can give rise to a clear motivation, knowing that, while this practice gives a direct benefit to oneself, it is not for that benefit alone — that mind in friendliness and care is better able to connect with others, to be present for their difficulties, to offer support. We can develop our capacity to give the gift of fearlessness to others; perhaps we can imagine a being, our teacher, perhaps, in whom we met a great kindness; we can feel inspired by that, to bring even just a glimpse of that same kindness into our own heart, that that flame could be passed from our teacher to us, and

then to another — basis of that motivation. Identifying our clear intention, also, for this session, mettā bhāvanā, step by step, inviting other distractions to fade into the background. And, having established our posture, our motivation, our intention, finding the breath in the body, this anchor point, itself an act of kindness, in calming the body, in calming agitation in the mind. Aware of in-breath, tracking

sensations of the breath down into the heart space, establishing awareness there, noticing sensations just as we find them — spaciousness or density, warmth or coolness, hardness, softness, vibration, pushing, whatever sensations we find there. Breathing out, maintaining that awareness, allowing it to deepen, to clarify.

This is my heart, just as it is. Inviting tensions in the body to soften, to melt; inviting the mind to stay with this feeling in the heart, or distractions to fade into the background. Breathing in, aware of in-breath, maintaining awareness in the heart space, inviting into the space in front a mental image of that first, supporting being, that vulnerable one, a baby animal perhaps, finding an image that sparks a shift, even a tiny shift, in feelings in the heart space, perhaps, or in the rest of the body even, perhaps a softening, an opening, a warmth, or a light.

Perhaps not something we can name, but trusting in this process. Breathing out, allowing that mental image to clarify, and the feeling, also, to deepen, perhaps recognizing in this being, this tiny one, perhaps an infant, a duckling, a kitten, a puppy, its vulnerability, its need for care, imagining the power to offer that care, that protection, here and now. Based

on that anchor, knowing we can always come back to it if our practice becomes abstract, begins to lose connection to feeling, we can begin with that first beneficiary, the first one to feel the goodness of kindness, one’s own self. Breathing in, aware of in-breath, with the rise of the belly, the expansion of the ribcage, the upper chest, inviting that feeling to begin to spread outwards from the heart into

the rest of the body, breath by breath, part by part — into the shoulders, the neck and head, the back of the torso, the sides, the front, the belly, pelvis, the legs, left and right, upper and lower, the feet, perhaps, becoming aware of the whole body, from the tips of the toes to the crown of the head, the tips of the fingers. Just like that first object, we were once completely vulnerable; in our chest beats that same

heart, subject to the ups and downs of life, wishing only to be free from suffering, free from anger and hatred directed towards ourselves, source of so much suffering in the world. And we can give rise to that simple wish in everyone’s heart — that I be free from pain and suffering, and carry myself, body and mind, in tranquility and ease. And we can harmonize that wish and the feeling in the body.

Perhaps we can taste some of that calm and ease, with the mental image, if it is helpful, of ourselves, indeed, as a child, perhaps even holding that supporting object, the duckling, the kitten, for such beings — anything but happiness, freedom from suffering, safety. And, with this now as our foundation, established in that kindness towards oneself, knowing we can always come back here if our practice becomes conceptual, disconnected from feeling, or indeed to the supporting object, or simply to the breath if we become overwhelmed, moving on to the next object,

this being also a dear one, perhaps a member of our family, but not the closest connection we can imagine, perhaps, navigating our way through the obstacles to mettā, which include attachment, breath by breath, tracking the feelings in the heart space and in the body as a whole, harmonizing that feeling with the mental image of this dear one, perhaps as a child also, and the clear and heartfelt wish

that this being also be free from pain and suffering, unpleasant sensation in body and mind, free from oppression, anger, enmity, directed towards them, that they carry themselves all in happiness, radiating from the heart space that same light and warmth that we offered to the first and second objects, the supporting and now self, now to this being, imagining the benefit that it has, imagining we have the

power to embrace this being, in this very moment, with the light and warmth, the safety of our kindness, seeing their ease of posture, perhaps a smile on their lips, their tears dried, and directly partaking of that same benefit in our own body and mind, sharing it here and now. Breathing in, aware of in-breath, moving on now to the next object, having established ourselves on those foundations, and knowing

we can always go back, but continuing now to soften the barrier that ordinarily limits the spread of our kindness and care, by imagining now, in the space in front, a neutral being, someone whose face we recognize,

perhaps from daily life, a neighbor, a colleague, an acquaintance, perhaps, but maybe not even knowing their name, one who ordinarily we would not include in our inner circle. But here, recognizing that this being also was once a child, vulnerable, in need of protection, and imagining, in this moment, that we have the capacity to offer that care to this being. By breath, tracking feelings in the heart space, harmonizing feeling and image with

that heartfelt wish that this being, also worthy of love, with a heart just like our own, be free from pain and suffering, free from oppression, that they carry themselves all in happiness, in our own body and mind, and established in that cultivation, knowing we can always come back here, slowly building our capacity, moving on to the final canonical object, the difficult one, either in our daily life or in public life even, but perhaps not the most challenging being we can imagine,

perhaps just one who is frustrating or annoying, rather than one that we are fearful of, or who causes great harm, slowly training, building our capacity to recognize that this being also, just like the neutral, the dear, and even our own selves, was, of course, once a child, loved by his or her mother and father, subject to ups and downs in life, to sorrow, to loss and grief in their heart, just like in our own, a wish only to be free from pain and suffering, free from oppression, to be able to carry oneself in

ease and happiness. Imagining them as that child, perhaps inviting, even, that they hold that first supporting object, harmonizing that wish, that image, and the feeling in the body, as we imagine the benefit for this being of that embrace of light and warmth radiating from our heart, in the ease that they feel in their body, the calmness of mind, perhaps a gentle smile on their lips,

perhaps their tears drying on their cheeks, no need for sorrow anymore, safe at last, sharing in, even, a glimpse of those feelings in our own body and mind, anchored in the heart space, breath by breath. So, as we conclude, as always, reviewing our session: moments of clarity, perhaps moments of confusion, or obstacles, adding from every experience to our learning, to our familiarity with the objects of meditation. And taking a moment now, if there are any questions, please feel very welcome to ask. Please, if you wouldn’t mind coming up to the microphone, so that it’s on the recording also, much appreciated. Good morning.

I just want to check, because I thought you said the first object was auxiliary, objects, and second the self, etc. But I don’t understand this first object, auxiliary. Could you explain that a little bit more? Yes, sure.

So, this is a very important question. So, canonically, in the Visuddhimagga, the Path of Purification, the commentarial text that preserves the southern school approach to mettā bhāvanā, there are four canonical objects. Object number one is oneself, two is the dear, three is the neutral, and four is the difficult. So, after oneself, three main objects, extending the circle, breaking the barrier. In a contemporary setting, teachers — Ajahn Brahm included, no doubt others have — noticed that we can make use of an auxiliary object.

This is why I call it the auxiliary, rather than number one or two — it gets confusing with the numbers alone. But this one is not necessarily a human being; it’s just the being that we can rely on to find that spark of the feeling of kinship, of care, of kindness. So it might be, yeah, an infant, or a baby animal, or whatever.

It might be — we can experiment, find skillful means that work for us to touch the feeling, because if we begin with the other objects just as a kind of recitation, without connecting with the feeling initially, then it would be a very slow process for us to actually break the boundaries. So this kind of — this is like the battery, if you like — this gives the charge to the practice.

So, auxiliary is the kitten or the duckling; canonically, then, self, then dear, neutral, difficult. Yeah, just imagine that circle widening.

So, otherwise clear, perhaps, just as we conclude — there can be times in this cultivation when we think it’s almost kind of like a fairy tale, or a cartoon, kind of — we have a duckling, and we have the dear one, and then the difficult being, imagining them as a child. Does this practice really have traction in the real world?

Is this something that can actually change our way of being? And I’m very reassured by the research coming to light in contemporary neuroscience and physiology that is mapping how we make connection in our families, in our communities, and showing very clearly that, while we have this amazing capacity as human beings to bond, to identify — as I said, we are alive because that bond arose spontaneously between mother and child —

but the research is also showing that those exact same systems and structures in body and mind, how we define the other — as strong as we identify “my family and tribe,” so I identify “the other team,” “the other tribe.” And we can see it playing out in the World Cup, for example: as soon as someone puts on the t-shirt of the different color, they become the enemy.

So easy is it for us to identify “enemy,” if we have identified “friend.” And so sages like the Buddha, Christ, countless teachers, have identified that if we are to love our neighbor truly, we need to learn where that barrier is, and learn to break it. And if we can do that — even if it’s effortful at first, like the potter turning the wheel — slowly, it gains momentum, until, just as automatically, we feel kindness towards a vulnerable being,

that love begins to flow even towards the neutral and the difficult. So I’m very reassured by that — that it’s not just imagination, this is the way our heart and mind works. So, with that, perhaps we can conclude here, with thanks to our friends for their patience, and inviting ourselves to receive the beautiful teachings from His Holiness today, in that same spirit of bodhicitta, not just for our own benefit, but for all beings. Have a lovely day.